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Dog biting Glenn Tilton's assHow Quaint: "United Promoters"

SAN BRUNO, CA -- Sister McBitter writes from her Labor Headquarters in San Bruno with news of United Airlines latest psycho babble, "United Promoters."

The gist of United Promoters is this: Uneducated customer service agents need to discover that creating happy customers --external customers, of course -- is the key to discovering good customer service.

Unfortunately, this is a little like declaring the way to discover Earth is round is to educate earthlings that the world is flat. It's simply the wrong premise.

How flawlessly typical of UAL Corporation and its clueless executives. More on this in a moment.

Details from United Airlines' point of view are spelled out handsomely in a United Promoters brochure, appearing in some agent's mailboxes. Sister McBitter's laboratories tested the paper on which it was printed, quickly learning it's too coarse to be used at the commode. She has no other recommendations for using the United Promoter's brochure.

Create United Promoters? How special, but enough is enough: How about creating a foundation for successful Customer Service, based on four simple things:

  1. Good Jobs for Workers In The U.S.A.
  2. Decent Worker Pay
  3. Affordable Health Care for Workers
  4. Secure Pension And Retirement for Workers.

Jobs, Pay, Health, Retirement ... It's less fruity than "United Promoters," and essential.

Preaching to the choir, she knows. Sister McBitter nonetheless reminds all her Union Sisters & Brothers that United Airlines has the highest paid, CEO and top executives in the State Of Illinois --in ANY industry-- according to Chicago Crain's Business Review. CEO Glenn Tilton's pay is "tied to performance," as United likes to remind everyone ... until United is reminded that its performance is in the tanker under the idiots in command: Financial performance that's hit-or-miss; Old, dirty airplanes -- new ones on hold due to a delusional merger mentality; Poor customer service rankings resulting directly from understaffing; Bloated executive pay.

What on earth could fix all of this? Ahhh, "United Promoters!"

So, what about fixing the underlying problems, something United Isn't Promoting: Jobs, Pay, Health, and Retirement. 2009 is around the corner. Expect dirty tricks from UAL corporate lawyers and strategists. Expect the IAM to fight back hard, free of bankruptcy shackles we presume. And please expect to remain in Solidarity with one another. Solidarity means you are willing to strike United Airlines and shut it down if necessary; You are available to walk picket lines in support of ALL workers' rights to a Job, Pay, Health & Retirement; Recognizing that the enemy isn't your co-worker or union. Rather, the enemy is in the executive offices. The one message from Glenn Tilton, and perhaps the ONLY one of value from him, is where he says "stay focused on one another." That means stay focused on Workers, the IAM, those who support us, and those who do not.